Im sorry for the super super super long MIAing :P. 

Recently, there are a lot of updates in my life.

1.

 I've begin to think about my future. like the srsly. 

And i just realized that i have no clue, no clue at all what i would like to be. Like there's nthing i really really like, enough for me to study and spend time on it for the rest of my life. 

Truthfully speaking, i'm envious of people who found their dreams and likes now. Like at least they have a slight glimpse into their future, and will have the motivation to work towards that goal.

But for me, the future is just this dark, empty space. 

I'm afraid, i guess. 

I dont wanna end up like some typical business class people, leading their boring lifes with no emotions. slowly counting down the days. not being able to do what they want to do. Its scary.

I hope I'll be able to discover my dreams soon, fingers crossed :)

2. 

Infatuation, crushes, emotions.

Love.

 The cause of why for i a period of time, I become someone I did not want to become.

 Feelings I did not ever want to feel. 

Emo nights

 Having to pretend like 'oh yes I'm so happy' when deep down there's like a dagger in your heart. 

Yes, the typical teenager feelings.

The endless mind games and everything

It was not until a few nights ago when I feel I could properly sort through my feelings n reach a conclusion.

I've been spending way too much time thinking about hearts, flowers & happy endings.

So i was being asked this question. what is true love? If you asked me that 1 year ago, it will be just a simple, naive answer; the guy and the girl are perfectly matched together, like those in fairytales. But now, to me, true love is more like, 2 imperfect people, becos of their love for each other, they are willing compromise, think in each other's shoes; what will be best for his 'her' or hers 'him'. True love shouldn't and wouldn't be one troubling, causing the other party sadness and emoness. 

To me I don't believe in confession now as to me it helps with nthing. So what if you confessed n realized you liked each other. You get to a relationship? Personally, a relationship does not change anything. Most of thetime it makes it worst. It basically just locks both parties down, with each other claiming the he is hers, or she is his. But then, who am i to judge i guess. 

I realized that I really should not care. 

Once upon a time, if you asked me what was the most impt thing about love that i want & need, I'll say a happy ending.

However, now

My answer will be-

The time spent , interaction I have with him. It doesn't matter if i end up with him a not. It's more about the process, the laughter that i had with him & moments we shared.  :) 

3.

Friends. 

Backstabbing pretending people. 

Like those type that hates you for no direct reason, especially people you treat nicely.

When i found out i was really pissed, but not with him/her, more with myself. 

Like how can i be so naive, to the extend that i had totally no clue of the hatred that the person harbored against me. 

Thinking that by being nice to everyone, they will treat you the same way.

Wow how smart of me

Gossips.

Now i know how much it hurts to have fake rumors spreading around about you. 

I feel guilty, like srsly guilty. 

Actually i really didn't know a lot of things and how bad it was.

I guess i was just living in my tiny bubble of happiness and naivety

Honestly, when i first knew, i was really sad, & feeling unjust, misunderstood.

.

But with the help and guidance of some people, i realized that, its not my fault. As long as i am able to live with myself & know i didn't do anythin wrong, there's no point in feeling sad becos some judgmental know it all decided that they don't like you. 

There's nothing feeling those strong emotions can do to help you.

I learnt how to just move on x.

Learnt how to appreciate those true friends, the ones that are always there for you :)

Yeap.

Though I may seem still the same 

I've grown a lot emotionally this 2 weeks  :))

I found out smthing while trying to produce fake tears today.

There was nthing sad for me to think about.

Like really, nthing.

Now i can proudly say that i've grown to become a more mature person :)

I just wanna shout out to the world...'I don't care! I don't give a shit! I just wanna live life my way, let matters work themselves out n enjoy the process!' :)

 I guess that's it for today's post.

Goodnight :)

West life- What About Now

What about now? What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late, what about now?

Now that we're here
Now that we've come this far, just hold on
There is nothing to fear, for I am right beside you
For all my life, I am yours